Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
