Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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