i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
