Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Boobs are out for the taking
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
