If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
