im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize