everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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