No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize