How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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