was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize