They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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