Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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