What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Randomize
