Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
