I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
