well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
