We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
