Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
