I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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