pop tarts are not kleenex
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
