I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
