You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize