its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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