During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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