Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Found your dick twin last night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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