so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Sext me about skeletons
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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