we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
