dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She told me I should be a condom model.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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