just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
this boner is exhausting
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
