evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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