chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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