forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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