Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
