see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
