mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
