i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
