other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
