marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
