So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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