she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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