Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
someone owes me an orgasm
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
