I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
