Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
