He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I won the penis lottery.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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