Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
