party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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