the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
