Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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