he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
