Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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