it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
