Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
