I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
