yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
