You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
