i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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