She just used a chaser for red wine.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
me + whiskey = a bad person
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
