I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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