Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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