Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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