ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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