it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
