1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize