We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
