I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
