he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
