my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
