So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
