Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize