Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
