my mouth tastes like poor choices
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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